When I was 12 years old is the first time I went to the doctor and the doctor told me my pain in my arm couldn’t be as bad as I was saying it was. When I was 13 years old was the second time I went to the ER for my horrible stomach pain, and the ER doctor told me that nothing was wrong and I needed to learn to deal with pain..
After that, my pain was no longer a big deal it wasn’t something I thought about. I just dealt with it. I went on with life. I ended up going to the doctor a lot still when my anaphylactic reactions ended me up in the ER, or my stomach pain was just too much to deal with. I knew something was wrong but everyone kept telling me I was fine.
This joint pops out you just put it back in. Only vomited nine times today you just deal with it. Everything was insane, I felt like I was going insane because no one had any answers and I was asking the same questions, but over time the questions became so much more confusing, Everything was confusing.
But this past year doctors started being confused by me. They looked me up and down left and right and went what is WRONG with you? They slowly started figuring out that my body was as insane as I was saying. That it was even worse than they thought it could be.
When I had a test done they freaked out when my body did something they had never seen. I wasn’t all the sudden the girl who was overreacting I was the girl who was under reacting. I was the girl the doctors were staring at going “How are you so calm right now?” I was no longer the person they thought I was. They were all the sudden worried, very worried.
Then on Thursday after blood work, and test, more test, and more test a doctor who asked for my case, who asked to see me. Sat down with a pile of paperwork in front of him and started asking me questions, started asking me things that I wanted to answer. And when I answered he listened.
Then he said the thing I’ve been waiting for for so many years, all my life I knew I wasn’t okay but for the first time in forever, someone sat down and said “I have the diagnoses.” He gave me names, he gave me answers to the questions I needed. Then he said “This is the plan.”
I got a name for the monsters of a diseases that I was dealing with. I got a name for the nightmare that had brought me so much pain, a couple of comas, so many anaphylaxis reactions, so many almost death, so many weird surgeries. It had a named. I felt good, all the sudden I felt relived.
I wasn’t scared of the monster I was about to try and deal with because it’s like a monster that has been hiding under your bed for years and you knew it was there but no one believed you. And then one night someone comes in and see the monster with their very eyes and all the sudden it wasn’t all in my head the boogie man was trying to kill me, and everyone saw it. Everyone was scared but for some reason this monster since I knew everyone could see it. It all the sudden was so scary anymore. Because I knew I have a team of monster killers (otherwise known as Doctors and people who support me) to team up and take down these boogie men… And I might not always win but I will always fight… So back up monsters, you aren’t messing with the wrong lady but you are messing with me so I’m gonna fight you.
Shayweasel killing monsters out…