Open Letter to Anyone Whoever Asked If I Was Faking It…

 First off, this isn’t really a kind thing to ask anyone but since you asked here is a confusion answer – NO…

     I have diseases, diseases that are not visible to the naked eye, illnesses problems whatever you want to call them. You can’t see them by just looking at me.

  I’m not gonna say sorry for looking like a normal person, but it hurts when you act like because you can’t see that I am not well that I’m either faking it or that it’s all in my head.

   Because here is the thing….

  If this was all in my head, it would be so much simpler, If this was me faking it, then I could stop faking it. And go back to my normal life. I could be alright, I could breath easy, Litelty. I could breath simply in and out. I could dance and I could walk great. I could go on a four mile hike, I could eat peanut butter, I could eat anything I wanted. Cheetos… I could eat food… I could not worry about flashing lights, I could watch anything I wanted. I could do anything I wanted.

      But I can’t do any of that because unable for you to see with your naked eye, is my insides. My insides are going haywire, they are making a mess inside me. My stomach is so slow that sometimes it leaves food in my stomach for days, my esophagus and gastrointestinal tract are being attacked by my eosinophil cells so badly that they are becoming rather small and barely able to move. My lungs are slowly just becoming slower and slower and we barely know why. My brain is telling my body to seizure.. I think differently

   

  But  I look normal, and looking normal has gotten me in a lot of trouble in the lifetime I have had. Before when I couldn’t read I was normal looking and sortish normal acting, testing showed I was anything but normal being diagnosed with a rare type of dyslexia and getting diagnosed with Autism and synesthesia, I looked normal but my brain was anything but….

   SO yes I know it might seem like I am faking it, but I promise I’m not and when you ask me if I’m faking it or if it’s all in my head, I want to remind you just as I don’t know your past you don’t know my body. You can see me on a good day when I take a selfie and post it to my social media or you can see me at the party that I used up all my energy for a whole week in. But what you don’t see is all the bad days, because I’m trying to be positive  and trying to show how good I am doing.

 

  I’m trying to protect someone like you who doesn’t have to see my pain I deal with everyday and someone who doesn’t have to deal with these horrible chronic invisible illnesses that lots of people like me deal with everyday,,,

  We have to rush to the restroom, we have to try and make sure we don’t make people feel weirded out by what we deal with daily.

 I’m not faking it, your eyes can’t see the inside of my body.. and I wish they could sometimes…

  I mean every now and then its nice to feel like no one can see all the pain and all the stuff I go through but I still don’t feel normal.

Part of me really does wish I was faking it because then I could stop, I wish I could stop my illnesses from killing me…… From putting me in pain daily.. But I can’t so I will keep my positive mind set and you can go learn about my illnesses and about invisible illnesses, and know that we aren’t faking we are in pain…
“But you look so good” isn’t a compliment anymore it’s a painful reminder that people don’t understand how much pain you are in… I don’t feel okay, I haven’t felt okay in a long time. Please know that…

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This has been Shayweasel…..

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