Answering ‘How Are You?’ From the Maze of Chronic Diseases

 

Hey… How are you ShayWeasel? How am i? I don’t think everyone wants the real answer..

 

  


But here is the honest scary truth, I’m lost in a maze of doctors all scared to touch me for fear of anaphylaxis or death or that the insurance doesn’t want to pay anymore. I’m lost for the world to know what is going on because I truly don’t even know whats going on..

My TPN and central line were taken away because my insurance and the doctors at the hospital didn’t want to deal with me. Didn’t want to pay. Sadly if you have money you can sometimes get treatment and other times you can’t. Getting treatment is hard.
I’m not the hospital, I’m not better, I won’t be better soon. I’m not stable, I’m not healthy, I’m not able to eat very much, and when I do I spend time vomiting, I’m in pain, I’m malnutrition, I’m not doing great…

 

Mood wise, I have good days, I have days where I am happy to be alive and I am thankful for the health I do have. Where I am able to go shopping for a dress. I’m happy for laughs and giggles and I’m happy for smiles and things. But I also have days where I can’t imagine living in so much pain. I can’t help but cry, where the pain, the life I live seems to much.

But I feel those emotions and hen try and move on…

 

How are you? I will most likely never find a cure, I might never find peace from my body, but today, tomorrow, and the rest of the weird life I live I will keep going… I will fail, I will fall but I will not fail my failing body. I will not stop going…

 

How am i? I’m not gonna be ok, but I’m happy, I love living my life, I love my friends, I love laughing, I love watching movies, I love TV, I love FaceTime, I love the walking dead, I love my blog, I love my friends blogs, I love Vlogs, I love being alive, even through every day is a new day for me to die in a new way, and every possible bad thing can happen but how am I? I’m glad… I’m glad to be here…
And to everyone else who is also lost in this maze, it’s alright to be lost, it’s alright to not be alright, you are not failing yourself when you ask for help. When you tell someone that you are not alright, you’re truly being brave, as a matter a fact being not alright is a good step to make. 

  I’m dying but I’m living. How are you doing today? If you really don’t want a good answer then maybe ask another question. Because how I am is truly scary sometimes. When you have theses diseases you fall into that maze and I believe that once you get lost in a maze just remember that the view can be very beautiful… I’m just praying that the maze isn’t made of corn or else I’m calling the epipens and Benadryl in right now…

 How are you? I want to know, so ask and truly want a honest answer. Thanks for asking and caring… Don’t give up on us 

 

How are you? Truly Truly…. How are you?

 

ShayWeasel out…..

 

 

 

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