So yesterday I felt so bad that at moments I was worried more than normal about my health. I was having a bad day, but the day before that I had four allergy attacks that led to my eyes not wanting to be used. The day before that I slept for 15 hours straight.
I have Chronic illnesses, and for some people seem to not understand that chronic which means daily, hourly, momently. It doesn’t stop. Its like having anything when you get diagnosed with a chronic illness it’s like getting a tattoo, you really can never get rid of it. There are sometimes surgeries you can do to make it go away, but they are lots of money and sometimes you end up getting scarred, good thing about tattoos is you get to choose what the tattoo is and if you want it in the first place. A chronic Illness has no choose. It shows up on its own and it’s happy to be there.
CHRONIC.. Means daily, it does mean I get to have some good days, but most of my good days are thanks to the medicine I took or are due to the fact that the day before I slept for 18 hours or it’s a weird random thing that happens out of no where. Most of the time when people see me I’m having a good day, because on my bad days I don’t normally get out.
So even if i look good, if I act fine, I could be in horrid pain. Its not all in my imagination. I’ve heard that one a lot, that’s not it. I have problems, my diseases are slowly making me very ill and unable to do as much as I want, but I enjoy my life.
And if you see me enjoying my life it doesn’t mean I’m better. It doesn’t even mean I’m having a good health day, but I could just be having a good day. I am not healthy at all. But I’m happy.
You can be slowly dying doesn’t mean I have to see things as sad or bad. But instead I see them as good, but sometimes I feel like if I look happy to some they see it as I’m wonderful and healed but I’m not. I’m still ill. I still have a CHRONIC illness.
Even on good days. The Illnesses are still there. They don’t go away.
Chronic means that it’s not going to be cured anytime soon, that you’re going to be in pain. That you are going to be in and out of hospitals sometimes, it means that doctors offices and blood draws are another part of your life. It means that when you wake up you have to take time to get out of bed. It means taking a shower can make you pass out if you aren’t careful. It means food can make you sick or even kill you. It means that I’m chronically sick, I’m ill, on good days I’m still ill.
I feel like people don’t want to accept the fact that being ill is chronic and that I’m never going to get better without a cure and at this moment this cure isn’t real. It isn’t happening. So for the time being I’ll be living with chronic illnesses, so daily, I will be living with chronic illnesses…
This has been my randomness on Sunday…