awkward

It’s been Confusingly Complicated

/ Shannon DeRose / Leave a comment

It’s been a long time since I wrote. I find it hard to explain what’s been going on. It’s confusing weird and totally unnecessarily complicated. So since I don’t know how to explain things I just don’t say anything. I don’t write as much I don’t text as much or post as much.

Sooo here I am trying my best to explain things.

Last year my main doctor over my care was unexpectedly moved.

Since then I have not really found a doctor to take over. So it’s been hard. That doctor advocated for me. Explain things stood up and got the things I needed done.

Now he did above and beyond what he was supposed to do. And I do not expect in the slightest for another doctor to do that.

In January my psoriasis started getting worse and ended up caausing some issues around my Hickman central line (basically long term iv) and getting it replaced was what we knew I’d need in the long run but the doctors didn’t want to mess with me. Not having the doctor to tell the other doctors how important this was. Made it hard.

And as the line got worse and worse. The Place I had gone it get my care for my line for years got overwhelmed and confused by all that was happening because I hadn’t found someone to be able to make the doctors talk to each other on what to do! Which isn’t truly the fault of anyone there just how the medical community works sadly.

In April after waiting months I had surgery to replace my Hickman during surgery they couldn’t seem to be able to put the line in easily at all. Due to having vascular EDS my veins are slow collapsing into them self and/or splitting into smaller veins that basically lead no where. And because of this things like central lines have issues getting through.

The surgery put a Hickman( the longer team iv thing) in but couldn’t get it where t was suppose to be not deep enough in the vein. And it was extremely painful.

After a few months till they could get me into a different surgeon once I got in they decided to do another surgery and remove the old line and place another.

Well that surgery was suppose to be 30-45 minutes and it ended up taking over 2 hours. I was able to go home after what seemed like a short time in post op recovery.

The Hickman hurt weirdly so when I got out of surgery. But after using it at home it hurt. Badly. My breathing then started feeling like I couldn’t catch my breath. It was then my papa was like we got to go to the hospital. And when I agreed my parents knew something was wrong! Hahah

So at the er they were busy the doctor ordered an X-ray. And the X-ray tech using the portable X-ray took a few X-rays of my chest side and back. She seemed worried and that was worrisome.

But when a man comes in and says the dr ordered a ct made both of us kinda worried. After the CT scan within five minutes of being back in the waiting room someone came to get me.

The doctor would then come in and tell us that my Hickman wasn’t in a vein. It had somehow wasn’t where it was supposed to be. I was admitted.

We all decided to try and put a picc line for the time being. They had a hard time putting it in my veins are very thin and they move around a lot. There isn’t much or any connective tissue holding them in place.

After they put the picc line I went back upstairs at the hospital my picc line stopped working. It turned back in on its self.

I had to get it replaced the next day. And was able to be discharged which was a blessing!

But less then two weeks later my picc line stopped working. My doctor told me to go to the duke ER and so we drove the 3 hours there and then we got to the er at 2ish on a Monday and we left the ER at like noon on Thursday. I was in the ER the whole time. In a room with a curtain and in a busy area…

Horrifyingly this wasn’t my worst time in the ER

But during those 4ish days I had 3 picc line fails two tries in one arm and one in the other meaning they couldn’t get them in. Two Hickman line in my chest that they couldn’t get in. And then the last ditch effort came in…

A Hickman placed in the very top of my leg. It’s a very interesting place to have one. It is weirdly in the way more than I would have thought.

Like simple things.. dogs or children sitting in your lap making sure they don’t pull or mess with the central line on my leg.

Leaning against the counter to get something or to rest and your line is right at that level. Wearing shorts tbhe line with dangle and that makes it hard not get it caught on something.

When I need to give myself medication in to my line I’ll either have to pull my pants up if I’m wearing shorts or lose clothing or down. Unhelpful and weird in some situations.

But it works. It’s what I need to survive. We don’t know what’s gonna happen just yet but we do know that my body won’t stop getting worse but we will become better at handle it.

The psoriasis is dangerous and confusing. And the eczema is itchy and painful. so what’s the plan from here on out?! Confusingly it’s trying a different medication to see how that works.

It’s confusing because they still don’t know what cause it to get so bad. And we don’t know either but I started a new medication which is an injection every other week. We will see how this goes!!.

Having a chronic disease makes you have to learn to accept the reality of the disease. I know my body will get worse as my disease progresses and it’s up to me to handle this with joyfulness and kindness.

I don’t know what’s gonna happen and I feel like this is confusingly complicated and have no clue what we will do next or what is gonna work. But I leave it in the Lords hands

Sooo here we go…

Shayweasel is confusingly complicated

But thankful!

Nala is adorably wonderful!
Featured

It gets worse but you handle it better.

/ Shannon DeRose / Leave a comment

Life is weird and I’m ok with that. I think so anyway….

I have a habit of not wanting to say things are bad. It’s a good habit to have but not always a helpful one.

It’s not like I deny that things are happening it’s that I don’t want to bother people with things.

I think sometimes I’m doing great! I’m stable and then my body decides that it doesn’t like that and I trip and fall and leave a bruise for two weeks that’s concerning and then I remember that my body is getting worse.

My papa and myself at the beach

My disease is progressive and it will always be getting worse one way or another I will become worse.

and that this is hard to handle. I think back to almost ten years ago right before my nose surgery to clean my Sinus and remove a bone that wasn’t suppose to be there. I think about how confused and unsure of how or why my body was so weird.

But how after the surgery I knew things were never gonna get better. I know my body was gonna kill me.

As the years have gone on I’ve slowly seen the progression of my diseases become worse. Small things like eye sight getting worse or Small things like not being able to orally eat much. It seems to lose at least one or two foods every now and then to come down to only really being able to eat bites.

Somethings have gotten easy but also harder. I use to need my wheelchair every time we went out. For a few reasons ones mainly because I use the wheelchair for one of the big reasons because I had so many seizures that I was falling every time I had one causing more problems than ever like once being on the pavement in a Target parking lot and your parents not being able to get you up and into the car and having to have a stranger who just asked if we needed help! help your dad get you in the car.

The seizures have lessened because of my VNS which is my Vagus nerve stimulator. Which is a small device that is wrapped around my vagus nerve in my neck/chest on goes to my heart then other goes to my brain.

The device is like a pace marker for your brain. It goes off on this small pulse every 90 seconds. It has a pulse that goes off that’s higher whenever I put my magnet on my VNS.

Now the highest plus goes off whenever it feels a seizure of some kind happen inside my brain/heart and that one goes off for a normal person (well normal person who has seizures and happens to have a VNS) is around 20 to 40 times and that’s a bad number to them.

Mine goes off over 200 times every day. So without the VNS I’d most likely be having over 200 seizures a day. So yes my VNS is something I love and am beyond grateful for!

I know that the seizures, the diseases that have been slowly killing me. will never go away. And that they will get worse.

But I don’t have to use the wheelchair as much now. I can walk more. But I don’t go out as often. Partly because when I do it’s an event and I can’t do much the next few days…

I don’t have to use my epipen as much as I use to but I don’t do as much as I use to. And I’m able to get my IV Benadryl like I should be there are times when we have trouble getting it but it happens less often then if use to. But I don’t eat as many foods or eat food orally as much. At All.

All my nutrients come from my feeding tube.

My body has issues with getting sugar from my feeding tube. I got to hear the best thing I’ve ever heard a doctor say “your gonna need to try and eat more sugar and salt orally as much as you can!”

I was like I will make that sacrifice! So hard to do. But ok doctor I will eat ice cream every day!

Do I miss eating normal foods orally? Yes. Of course I do. But now it doesn’t seem like a big deal to not eat them.

It has just became something normal. I can go to a restaurant sit and not eat and I don’t even give a second thought about it!

I don’t think I’m better then I was. I’m just learned to be better at handling it.

I get hurt more often then I use to. By that I mean I fall more my hands do this thing which is considered a seizure which I didn’t know for a good while but my hands do this thing of dropping something my hand will just stay in the same position a few seconds afterwards. Now the most annoying thing my hands do is randomly throwing something. That one gets my last nerve like hand what are you doing?!!???

My joints go out of place a lot making me randomly fall. This past summer I got burned by an iron twice while doing crafts. The first one was a first degree burn the second was a second degree burn funnily enough.

I am constantly covered in bruises and things. I had to have two teeth surgically removed in September. because of how deeply my tooth was in the jaw bone

The top tooth on the opposite side of my mouth was a wisdom tooth and I broke it during a seizure an over a year ago. They had to cut into mg sinus cavity to get it out of my cheek bone I don’t understand how mh body even works

I’m saying all this to say it’s the weird things that happen randomly that’s what makes it hard.

It has gotten easier to remember to take my meds, to carry my backpack doesn’t seem hard now. It’s been basically a part of me

Don’t mind being home watching tv, baking, doing crafts, like making bows or crocheting.

My adorable dog Nala

I can do everything I’m supposed to. Everything the doctors tell me to do. And I know that I will get worse. My diseases will progress no matter what I do.

I will lose friends to diseases. Having friends who understand your health is always helpful but turns hurtful because you know they have the same or similar outcome as you do.

But as the years go on that progression doesn’t seem as scary. Doesn’t feel as hard to handle. The thing you learn is it’s ok to be ok with getting worse. It’s a good thing to learn your limits. Your life is hard but you don’t have to be fearful.

Getting my feeding tube changed out which happens every 6-10 months doesn’t seem scary anymore it’s more like just going to have a conversation with the people in radiology.

Me with My beautiful sister Vana!

Getting Hickman drsssing changed every Friday at the Rabb clinic (infusion center here where I live) doesn’t seem like a big deal it’s basically me going to visit the nurses and front desk people. The guy who drives the little trolley type thing that picks people up in the parking lot to take them to the front of the hospital. I see and talk to them all.

It becomes less of a problem to be able to do these things. It becomes scarier but that fear you now know how to handle. You learn to be ok to calm yourself when everything is going wrong.

You learn to be ok.

On the beach with my fabulous sister Stephanie!

It gets worse but you handle it better.

Because believe it or not everything can be worse and you can still find a way to be like Pollyanna finding the fabulous in the worse is the best thing to do.

I trust God. I can handle this because I have the Lord and He makes me stronger.

Shayweasel is worse but handling it better

And that worse is some of the most amazing things have happened out of it. It’s the best kind of worse I could ever ask for and I’m blessed to have it.

Featured

Glasses on

/ Shannon DeRose / Leave a comment
I don’t have a lot of photos of myself so here is one with me and Rory

In movies and In books and Even in life I have seen countless times where the main dorky or weird person gets a makeover and the one thing they seem to do thw most is take off their glasses wearing contacts like somehow that makes them prettier.

And everyone is so amazed by this beautiful person they suddenly see with a new outfit and glasses free and pretty shoes!

They act like this person is so much more pretty then ever before. And then someone says it’s normally the main popular guy or girl or their old friends are like I liked you better before or wow I never knew how pretty you were.

The person then realizes suddenly how beautiful they were all along! They normally don’t go back to their old clothes or put their glasses back on sometimes they do but it’s like they realize suddenly how to be beautiful.

I never understood why you’d want to take your glasss off to look more beautiful. Like I know They might have contacts in or whatever. But why does that make them look prettier.

I think I look less sick with my glasses on then I do with them off. But more importantly the world looks so much more gorgeous to me with them on.

Because when I take my glasses off apparently the world thinks I’m more gorgeous. But the issue is with my glasses off life is a blur I run into things can’t see what’s ahead of me clearly. I have to look closers to see anything.

So while the would sees me more beautifully without them off, I see the world more beautifully with my glasses on.

I think we always do that. I think as humans we see the world is prettier without thinking that the world sees us beautiful or not.

Because when you don’t let what the world wants us to do or be or anything things are easier to see we can see inside ourselves easier when we can see everything outside ourselves clearer.

But when we only care what the world things we can’t see things clearly. We are all blind to the world sometimes when we try to do what everyone wants us to.

So I might not be beautiful in the worlds eyes with my glasses off…

The world is so much more beautiful in my eyes with my glasses on!

Shayweasel is keeping her glasses on…

How To Handle Having A Caregiver

/ Shannon DeRose / Leave a comment

Here’s the thing when I typed “how to handle having a caregiver” into google I thought that it was gonna say things like letting someone helping you doesn’t mean your not an adult or they aren’t babysitting you and that this is needed those kinds of things but no this is what I found…

The articles none of them were pointed at the person who was sick, I find it so hard to have a caregiver to let someone help me.

I’m an adult and have to have someone come here and watch me?

As of 2018 I’ve become someone who has a caretaker, and a respite care worker. Two people that watch me most of the time. I don’t always know how to handle being cared for.

From the time your born you learn how to be independent. We learn to make sure to cry when we need something, we learn that being nice and smiling can help. That we learn to crawl to get something our selfs. We learn to walk so we can do things on our own.

We go to school so we can learn we do chores so we can be able to clean our homes when we are adults.

We learn to go use the to shower how to cook how to drive so we can do things all by ourselves.

As I get the blessing of living longer and longer I’ve been needing more and more help.

My respit caregiver is kind, and she helps me by really truly is here by just being here. With the diseases I have, it can change fast. I could hurt myself if I had a seizure if I had a a reaction. And so on so on.

I am learning to find this as a way for me to help someone have a job, to know this is ok

I’m learning to look at independence differently. To know I’m still an adult. I still need help but it doesn’t mean I’m lazy.

So how to have a caregiver- be kind, tell them if you need something even if you could possibly do it yourself but you know you shouldn’t, tell them thank you and be kind to them, if they make you feel uncomfortable say something to either them or the other people in your life. Think about them like the nurse on Monk solving crimes and someone walks around and helps him he’s still an adult. (We all know Natalie on Monk was way better then the first)

It’s not lazy. It’s not crazy.

Be kind be good be love

Shayweasel is sitting down

Restrooms of the public kind…

/ Shannon DeRose / Leave a comment

IMG_4772

Let me just take a moment..

Public Restrooms suck. They are so weird. Okay but lets break it down.

(Also I don’t take photos of public restrooms so here is a photo of trees… That has nothing to do with my post, but I wanted to add a photo.. Deal with it.)

There are different kinds of public restrooms. You have your store public restroom, restaurant public restrooms ,  chick-fa-la restrooms gas station restrooms, and then we come down to.. Beach public restrooms. I was at the beach the other day and beach restrooms, are some of the worst things. I mean they are dirty, people are undressing and they smell weird, and its so gross. Just no.

Lets move on to another thing about public restrooms..

So you walk in the restroom and there is a line, but you have to pee really bad, you wait your turn and then an some random person walks in and just takes the restroom when you have been waiting, maybe this doesn’t happen to other people but to me it happens all the time.

Oh the people who talk on the phone in public restrooms, what on earth? Why are you talking? Like shut up and go pee… Don’t talk on the phone its awkward for everyone else going to the restroom.

The handicapped stall, so when I’m with my niece who is 3 I will use the handicapped stall because its hard for us to both fit in the small restrooms, but I try not to do this all the time, but I hate when all the stalls are open and some normal person goes into it. I’m thinking what is wrong with you? Why must you use the handicapped stall…. And I mean if you have a chronic illness and you need to use the handicapped stall go for it. And I normally try to give people the benefit of the doubt, because you never know and someone might have an ostom bag and need to change it or dump it. You never know about people so.. Just don’t judge.

Also when you go to wash your hands and there isn’t any soap or papertowels or when there isn’t even a bowl dryer and you washed your hands and are standing there with nothing to dry it on and you’re in shorts and everything is bad… Just bad.

Oh when you go to the restroom and someone is waiting for someone but you stand behind them even though you see that stalls are open but you just go oh it must be dirty because this person is just standing here, and then they tell you after a few minutes and you just…. Ugg….

When you run out of toilet paper in public restrooms… Thats.. That is just bad…

Vomiting in public restrooms is annoying.. Its just annoying well vomit over all is just annoyed.

Oh weird people in public restrooms the ones who just start talking to you. They just start talking…

Over all public restrooms are a strange thing to deal with.. So as you use the public restrooms this week think of me… Wait I take that back that sounded awkward..

This is randomness about public restrooms want more? Come back on Wesday Friday and Next Sunday…. Its always random… Just yea.

(This idea behind the post is thanks to awesome Macy go follow here on twitter @missmacy1023 ) 
Shayweasel out.

I Won’t Fail My Failing Body

/ Shannon DeRose / Leave a comment

 

Today I ate lunch and then as my disease made up its mind that this food I had taken into my body was not going to stay, I went to the restroom and vomited, a few times. I tried not to make it a big deal or anything.

When I came out of the restroom, a lady stood there just looking at me and she said “Are you bulimic?” there are a few things about this question, one if the answer was yes that is not the way to ask a stranger in the restroom. But I answered “No I have a disease called gastroparesis my stomach is paralyzed and doesn’t work the way it should.” she then went “Oh well why do you have it?” I hadn’t ever had someone ask me this follow up question before. I answered “They don’t know the reason why. It might be genetics.” She followed up with this “Maybe you just haven’t taken care of yourself.” She then left the restroom and I stood there and looked into the mirror.

My collarbones have become so much more visible, its not by choice believe me. My legs are thin, my cute round face is less round theses days, even though I have a little left of my moon face from the meds a few weeks ago. I stood there and thought.

Its not fair to me, because I have a chronic illness that people feel the need to either tell me how to heal myself or tell me that I’m not taking care of myself. If I had cancer I would be brave, and cancer is hard to face, but I don’t understand why the fact that I “just” have a chronic illness that I should just deal with it. It doesn’t seem fair. I was born with illnesses and more illnesses have attacked my strong so strong body. I’ve been through more in my life health wise than most. I’ve had crazy days and I’ve been in a places where I had to make crazy hard choices.

My body is failing me. I didn’t fail it. I didn’t make myself sick. I just am sick. I’m okay with my illnesses hurting me but I’m not okay with people telling me Its my fault. I do not have cancer, no. I have an illness that is incurable. Its lifelong, Its painful. Its horrifying sometimes. I have things that are undiagnosed. I had a doctor straight up tell me that I’ll most likely be in some pain forever, and that he was sorry. I have had surgeries not many just two, I’ve had an air tumor in my nose.. What’s that? My doctors didn’t even know.

   So no I didn’t fucking give myself theses illnesses Its not my fault. You can tell me off when I’m vomiting in the restroom, but only if you will hold my hair and then give my toilet paper so I can blow my nose and get all the vomit out it. I didn’t make myself vomit, my body is not working. My stomach has just stopped. My doctors are working to either find a med that works or a feeding tube might come into play or I might have to do some other stuff that I truly just don’t want to do. I want to go and live my life. I really want to go on that long bike ride.

IMG_4631

I’m strong. I’m really strong, but you see me as an attention seeker in some weird public restroom, you didn’t ask my name, you didn’t tell me you were sorry this happened to me, no you blamed me. My body is not my fault. My mind is not my fault. The things that happen to me are not my fault. I only get to choose how I react to them. And man I’ve reacted damn well… I’ve done pretty good. I choose to wake up. I choose to keep going because I don’t see the choose to stop.

   My body is failing me, but one thing’s for sure, I’m not failing my body.

 

This has been Wesday the day where I rant about whatever I please. And today I ranted… Don’t blame me for my illness, I will not fail my body.

Thanks for reading~ Shannon DeRose (Shayweasel)

Why weekends are hard…

/ Shannon DeRose / 2 Comments

I hate mondays Fridays, I know what? Shay? How can you hate the weekend they are fantastic. One let me say I haven’t always hated them. And I still hate Thursdays more than I hate Fridays but for me I hate the idea of the weekend, that you have to go out and hang out with friends or if you don’t have plans then you are just going to die alone or become a cat lady.

I mean its not a big deal. I have been a nanny and my idea of a friday night was the parets going out and me making like 100 dollars thats my idea of Friday for a long time and when I wasn’t working I would sit in my living room watching TV shows or movies or I would be on tumblr for like nine hours.

So I don’t get where this you have to be busy on the weekend sleep in and go out and party or go to church on sunday. I don’t get it. I want to do what I do on a normal day. To me the weekend ends up normally being really boring and I don’t enjoy it because everyone is saying “Oh my I’m doing blah blah..” I mean even if I had a lot of friends who wanted to do stuff the weekend wouldn’t be when I wanted to hang out it would most likely be a random day.

But I want to say since my chronic illness kicked in over drive, the weekends end up being really hard on me. I feel like I am missing out on a part of live that I never knew I needed but I don’t need it. You might be someone in school or work the weekdays and when you get a free day its like fantasticness but to me it sometimes end up making me sad because I’m like I don’t have energy to do anything and its not going to change just because its the weekend sometimes I have good days but they are normally on a weird day like Tuesday and I get to make breakfast and go to the store, but my body doesn’t know that its the weekend. It does what it wants to.

So why am I telling you all this? Because I know that people with chronic illnesses might feel the same way, so if you know someone who has a chronic illness go over and watch a movie with them and don’t try and make them talk to much or anything just let them be but be there with them. It means a lot when you get a friend who can sit in the same room on their laptop as you and not talk but will say something like did you see this?

Or when we need to rant about shit you listen. Its hard because we might seem whiny but it really is that some of us aren’t around people. Don’t talk to people, and a lot of us don’t get to see very many people at all or only talk to people online.

The weekends are hard because its not just we can’t get out its that no one wants to stay in and no one wants to hang out with you.

When you are diagnosed with a chronic illness you normally lose half your friends right off the bat and it kills small parts of you. So yes, if you want to help make weekends better then just be there and say what’s on your mind.

My name is ShayWeasel and this has been a weirdish public blog post…

#spooniestrong #weekendssuck #fuckit

Internet people…

/ Shannon DeRose / Leave a comment

I have a problem. Its not that big of an issue, its more like well.. .Let me just tell you

I’m an internet type person, I enjoying the internet, I am not that social of a person, My sisters are mostly all very social.

They love people most the time, me? No. I can be highly rude and I sometimes would rather read blogs and watch youtube videos then talk to people. Yes this could be a problem. I like to say that this isn’t a problem at all, that this is totally normal, but lets take what I’m doing right now.

I’m sitting in a sort of dark room, my family is downstairs and I’m writing a blog post, yes I’m writing a blog post upstairs away from my family, while listening to Lady Gaga through headphones. I really fail at social things.

Today as we all sat in the living room I played YouTube videos that no one asked to watch on the TV using the chrome cast, but personally I know it seems weird that I’m not a huge social person but I do like how I am. I don’t think I’d change much about myself and the fact that I am an internet person is okay. I’ll stay up late watching YouTube videos reading blogs writing blog post and well sometimes making YouTube videos which I make private because I’m so nervous to show people.

I might not be social face to face, I might be shy and I might get upset when people don’t want to hear what I have to say but I like myself I’m weird as well… I’m just Shay

and I like that about me

My name is ShayWeasel and I’m an internet person if you’re an internet person let me know and we can be internet people together and maybe we can be awesome and weird as shit together from a far.

  So yea thanks for reading… I guess thats cool…

Fantasticness of Stress

/ Shannon DeRose / Leave a comment

Some people handle stress fantastically, I have never met these people but I hear they are alive and well. I personally handle stress like someone has set me on fire while someone else is shoving rose coloured monkeys in my house which is full of bees. In simpler words, not so fantastically. You might think well maybe you should just learn to handle things better. Some things I handle well. Like death, and sickness, and being in hospitals, just being there for anything. I handle thoses things well.

But things like going into the bank to talk about money, total bee fest. And your boss yelling at you total rose coloured monkeys. I just don’t understand people. Me and humans don’t understand each other. Now give me a cute dog and life is all easy and good. Or  a small child. Things in those things are easy, but other times not so much. So maybe my problem is not stress maybe my problem is people. Huh, this could possibly be very true. I have panic attacks rather easily, or use to.

I haven’t had a panic attack in a while and I’m doing pretty good.. Anyway back to what I was saying is that stress and humans are a part of living a good and reasonable life. Its not easy but its a life. And its one that is worth living. Even through stress can happen daily and things badly can happen at any moemnt. People die and get ill and have bad days and things happen.

So how do you personally handle stress? I might have a panic attack or get mad but its strange, its when I started letting myself be stressed, feel the feelings I need to feel. When my grandma Rosa past a while back. Myself and my parents had gotten to my grandmas house at 4 in the morning and my aunt who took care of my grandma was there at the house and my grandma was at the hospital type place and at 6:45 am we got a call saying they had called 911 for my grandma so on less than 2 hours asleep we went to the hospital and I was stressed and tired, my grandma past that day it was a long emotional day, but how I handled it was strange. I just let myself feel sad. And feel the joy that she was in no pain. I let myself feel the happiness that I was there with her when she past. That I was there when she went from being here to being home. I was happy and sad and felt overwhelmed. But I let myself feel theses feelings and knew that it was okay, to feel this way.

That’s what I think is important in stressful life happenings, so if you lose your job, and if you let yourself feel the emotions of losing your job, the anger and the annoyness and the life over-ness and then tell yourself that you go this. I think thats how stress should be handled and thought about.

That no matter what you don’t know about life, we can live and learn to handle new things, life changes in the flash of a light that can send you into a seizure or it can send you to help someone or it can cause you to feel that the whole life is a hopeless place of worry and horror. But no matter how horrid things seem, learn from the stresses of life and move on. Just keep moving, stop for only seconds and remember, do not forget what has happened to you.

It might be the horror but let yourself remember the wonderfulness and beautifully fantastic things that happened that day in the sun or rain or when you fell and everything changed. Let yourself know how important everything in life really is. No matter how stressful we live life and no matter how easy center times can seem everything won’t always get better but we can make ourselves make things better. So I believe stress is an overload of emotion, don’t forget to feel the bad emotion and the good emotion. Let emotion in. AND feel it…

What to know…

/ Shannon DeRose / Leave a comment

I want to know… But really is what to know, I need to stay on a need to know basics but sometimes is more of a what to know basics,

I know when I go to the hospital they are not on a need to know basics they are on a what to know… what happened.. what are you allergic to… what is wrong?… what kind of pain?? what to know is sometimes a weirdly important part. Its the small things that mess everything up. Its when you want to know something and then learn that you don’t really need to know it. But every now and every then, you learn what to know. And sometimes its when that person tells you what to know that you go… and take that deep breath and you know, that the air is clear and that the pain is right in the heart.

What to know about me… I’m not sure, I barely know me. I have only lived with myself for well about 23 years, I have lived outside the womb for 22 years but I have been alive for 23 years, I like the air I breath even though my lungs believe I need help sometimes. And my body for some reason believes that most foods and most things that you can find outdoors are evil so therefore attacks them, is what makes the world one kind of place that I do highly to the most amazing enjoy.

What to know about Shannon DeRose, is that its just who I am. I am not the enjoyer of a small plant of random food. I ask way too many questions and I normally fall into trouble for this. I would not say I am an easy going person. I like who I am, and everyone else is learning to deal with who I am.

Now what to know about life is that there isn’t a place for everyone but I believe that we can make places for ourselves. We can make everyone have a place, but I think some of us come out with a whole lot of craze and we have to make a place in this world for us, and people who aren’t like us.

   What to know is that we can make places for us. We have to try. And never quit and sometimes we have to say behold….What we need to know is up to us…