be you

Why weekends are hard…

/ Shannon DeRose / 2 Comments

I hate mondays Fridays, I know what? Shay? How can you hate the weekend they are fantastic. One let me say I haven’t always hated them. And I still hate Thursdays more than I hate Fridays but for me I hate the idea of the weekend, that you have to go out and hang out with friends or if you don’t have plans then you are just going to die alone or become a cat lady.

I mean its not a big deal. I have been a nanny and my idea of a friday night was the parets going out and me making like 100 dollars thats my idea of Friday for a long time and when I wasn’t working I would sit in my living room watching TV shows or movies or I would be on tumblr for like nine hours.

So I don’t get where this you have to be busy on the weekend sleep in and go out and party or go to church on sunday. I don’t get it. I want to do what I do on a normal day. To me the weekend ends up normally being really boring and I don’t enjoy it because everyone is saying “Oh my I’m doing blah blah..” I mean even if I had a lot of friends who wanted to do stuff the weekend wouldn’t be when I wanted to hang out it would most likely be a random day.

But I want to say since my chronic illness kicked in over drive, the weekends end up being really hard on me. I feel like I am missing out on a part of live that I never knew I needed but I don’t need it. You might be someone in school or work the weekdays and when you get a free day its like fantasticness but to me it sometimes end up making me sad because I’m like I don’t have energy to do anything and its not going to change just because its the weekend sometimes I have good days but they are normally on a weird day like Tuesday and I get to make breakfast and go to the store, but my body doesn’t know that its the weekend. It does what it wants to.

So why am I telling you all this? Because I know that people with chronic illnesses might feel the same way, so if you know someone who has a chronic illness go over and watch a movie with them and don’t try and make them talk to much or anything just let them be but be there with them. It means a lot when you get a friend who can sit in the same room on their laptop as you and not talk but will say something like did you see this?

Or when we need to rant about shit you listen. Its hard because we might seem whiny but it really is that some of us aren’t around people. Don’t talk to people, and a lot of us don’t get to see very many people at all or only talk to people online.

The weekends are hard because its not just we can’t get out its that no one wants to stay in and no one wants to hang out with you.

When you are diagnosed with a chronic illness you normally lose half your friends right off the bat and it kills small parts of you. So yes, if you want to help make weekends better then just be there and say what’s on your mind.

My name is ShayWeasel and this has been a weirdish public blog post…

#spooniestrong #weekendssuck #fuckit

Internet people…

/ Shannon DeRose / Leave a comment

I have a problem. Its not that big of an issue, its more like well.. .Let me just tell you

I’m an internet type person, I enjoying the internet, I am not that social of a person, My sisters are mostly all very social.

They love people most the time, me? No. I can be highly rude and I sometimes would rather read blogs and watch youtube videos then talk to people. Yes this could be a problem. I like to say that this isn’t a problem at all, that this is totally normal, but lets take what I’m doing right now.

I’m sitting in a sort of dark room, my family is downstairs and I’m writing a blog post, yes I’m writing a blog post upstairs away from my family, while listening to Lady Gaga through headphones. I really fail at social things.

Today as we all sat in the living room I played YouTube videos that no one asked to watch on the TV using the chrome cast, but personally I know it seems weird that I’m not a huge social person but I do like how I am. I don’t think I’d change much about myself and the fact that I am an internet person is okay. I’ll stay up late watching YouTube videos reading blogs writing blog post and well sometimes making YouTube videos which I make private because I’m so nervous to show people.

I might not be social face to face, I might be shy and I might get upset when people don’t want to hear what I have to say but I like myself I’m weird as well… I’m just Shay

and I like that about me

My name is ShayWeasel and I’m an internet person if you’re an internet person let me know and we can be internet people together and maybe we can be awesome and weird as shit together from a far.

  So yea thanks for reading… I guess thats cool…

Its not “Just” the Internet

/ Shannon DeRose / Leave a comment

What people don’t get about team internet.

SO team internet, we are a random group of people, you have people like Grace Helbig who is having a fucking TV show come out this is a big deal, but what people don’t get is that every time I sit down at home or in a bookstore and watch a youtube video of Tyler Oakley or Mamrie Hart I feel like they are my friends, I feel like I know them. I laugh outloud and I cry from laughing so much. They don’t just act like they care they have things they care about Connor Franta raised money to build wells for people how fucking cool? Tyler Oakley raised money for suicide privitin. And Hannah Hart got people to work together in communities to help the world be better. I mean thats just a few what people or some people don’t understand is that we don’t just find people online to talk to and get in trouble with no…. we work together as an online community to make the world a better place to be alive in together. We want everything to work together. We want to live in an earth that’s more amazing than ever. I like the way we can work together.

No the internet isn’t always safe, there is a lot of bully and stuff but when you go to a youtube page, like scishow and you learn about something that in school you should have learned but you somehow you missed it or someone just didn’t talk about it. To me shows like Scishow make my life better, I love learning and people never took me (still don’t) seriously when I talk about science and when I watch these videos or have a convo in the comments it makes my world a little better.

What you need to understand is that team internet is not just a bunch of weirdness its an amazing platform that holds a bigger world than you know. Yea people are all different but the internet makes the world smaller and when I find someone that says something and I go you like the “vlogbrothers?” and they look at me like what? Thats what makes the world funnier and better because we are DFTBA!! We are working together to make the world less suckish.

My first time I got on youtube for real was in 2009 it was super late at night and I had this boredom deep in my sleepless soul. I watched a video by rhett & link and I laughed outloud in the middle of the night, my world changed I found people who lived in my state, and were making videos, Rhett & Link now live out in Cali, they followed their passion and they blew people away with the laughter of others. Thats what team internet does. They gave me hope that I could follow my weird passions even if my passion was just writing a blog post or making a weird video.

Its not that the world online is nicer or anything its that its just different. I remember when I found this girl with blonde hair and she was weird and she was surely random, Grace Helbig would become a youtube video I would watch all the time. I would laugh and I would giggle at all the weird things. I watched Juilian Smith and would not be able to stop laughing people would have no clue what I was laughing at.

I still go back and watch the video “Trees Hate You” because it makes me laugh so hard that its my goal in life to be able to be that random.

The internet and Team Internet and team DFTBA is not just a good thing its being able to say I’m hartosexual and someone going me too. And both of you being able to find a place and for me to feel like I can watch a video on the internet and I can maybe chase every dream I have.

People that make youtube videos we all know they start off really small, they make these videos because they just want to. I love being able to see Tyler Oakley and Grace Helbig on cable TV because they have been apart of my week for a long time, they have made me laugh and made me think.

I don’t think people when I say I watch Youtube videos I don’t think they get it that what real happens when I watch a youtube video mostly everyday and these people that I don’t know are like weird friends, they make me feel less like I live in a world full of people who don’t understand.

We are the people who will No we are changing the way people think, there are videos about coming out and about being true to yourself on the internet, we are team internet we are DFTBA we are amazingly fantastic and we will we are changing everything, the world needs people that understand the giggles of a miranda sings video and why I wake up 20 minutes earlier a lot of times to watch a Good Mythical Morning episode and why I like to sit on sundays and watch Danger Dolan and why when I don’t know how to do something I google it. Or when I need to feel like I am better than this I watch Sprinkle of Glitter videos and why I like the way I am because if I can be this random and no one likes me where I’m at I can be liked by some on the internet.

If you ever feel like life isn’t great or is very suckish then remember that people on the internet and all over the world are trying to make it less horrid. I know the world might not be great all the time and when people are rude or stupid you can get really mad but remember that people are working so hard to make the world less suckish. I love what Youtube has done for the world. Its brought us closer. Its made everything different in a good way.

 

You see the YouTubers you watch become friends, I remember when I found O2L videos and thought to myself these guys came together and made something wickedly random videos, they all made me laugh.

Youtube, people who blog… People who have a job through the internet is amazing. Just so you know, life sucks but we together can try and make it suck less…. Just like the vlogbrothers say

 

The world is made up of all kinds of people, let the world be better, and also let them be amazing. Life will get better….

 

I love finding people on Youtube like ServiceDogVlogs (Tatianna) who has the awesome videos and a great singing voice and she talks about stuff like shit people say to service dog handlers and you have people like The Clairty Project (Clare) who makes videos on what its like to be awesome with a chronic illness and she just talks she did theses reviews of red band society and made me want to watch the show so I could keep up with her reviews. Both Clare and Tatianna make videos on life with chronic illnesses. Its how you look at it. And they are amazing,

 

We are going to change the world, we are changing the world. We make everything so different and the way people start off real small give people hope that maybe we can all be awesome people, because we are all awesome person but every now and then we forget that we are awesome and that we make the world more amazing by just breathing in. People like Sam Pottorff I have randomly laughed at his videos but he also talks seriously about things and he seems so raw sometimes, as a lot of the YouTubers do.

There are things like VidCon and playlist live and all kinds of things because we as a whole make the world weirder more random and we are learning as team internet that we don’t have to agree on everything but we have to care and love each other. We don’t want hate and I think team internet will be the ones to change that. I think we will laugh as the videos we watch and all the blogs we read have made this world a more easier place to live. Its hard to know where to stand on everything but we have the world at our finger tips and its amazing. So here is to team internet and all the people who are all about being as random as fuck. This people is how you team internter YouTuber style, thanks for making videos keep it up

(Shout out to AConMann, Anastasjia Louise, Bunny Hopkins, The Clairity Project, ServiceDog Vlog,)

Health is amazing!!

/ Shannon DeRose / Leave a comment

when you get diagnosed with anything, you have some options, you can make up your mind that you are going to just “deal” with it. You can try and find a cure. Or you can make up your mind that you aren’t just going to “deal” with it or try and find a cure but you are going to have this disease or syndrome or allergy or other health issues and say “Welcome to my life.” It’s not that you want this illness or whatever to stay and hurt you, but you aren’t just going to “deal”

No I’m not battling any illnesses, I’m living and I’m blessed to have problems, I know I sound like a Pollyanna (overly glad person) but you can’t let something, like a health problem or something like food allergies and things that could possibly kill you.

Tomorrow I could go to the store and not purposefully touch a walnut on my way to the restroom and pass out from anaphylactic shock in the restroom and die. Thats a possibility. Its something that could happen. Life can kill you or it can make you scared to live or you can just live. You can live with anything.

WE as humans can adapt to anything, we will learn to be happy without anything. People die and we have to keep going on.

So you’ve been diagnosed with something that in time will either kill you or you have a possibility of dying from it. Think of it like this

Yesterday morning your great-grandma who was 105 years old passed away, you have to feel sad and go and lie her body in the ground. After you have lied her in the ground you have a strange choice, you can either go on or just sit and cry, so take a moment and remember what life was like with them and then get up and go on.

Walk the miles you want, do what you wanted to do before all this, but you will just have to do it differently, yes everythings going to change but its okay. Its good change. You will miss things you will cry moments of life will fall and you won’t get to be apart of it. But life can be fantastic.

Illnesses, health “problems” are just random things that happen, if you didn’t have this health thing or whatever you would have something else that would make you complain and make your life annoying. This isn’t going to be easy, I mean seriously nothing is easy. Which I personally am happy for.

It took me a long time to really understand how blessed I am to be able to understand people who have things that aren’t a bump in the road no they are a random hill thats really nice to have met along the way. I like my bumps, I like my holes, and I like the things that make my life hard because without them, I wouldn’t be Shay, I wouldn’t be okay with how much change can happen in a moment or a day or just a minute. Life changes everyday we have to deal with things.

 

I’m not right about half the stuff I say, but its what I think and what I think is what I think and no one else can think it for me, so if you don’t like it, then you don’t have to read it or hear it. I’m glad people are all different, I’m glad that we can life at stupid stuff that happens, remember that not everyone is out to get you. And that some are.

So welcome if you are newly blessed with a health issue, because this world is a beautifully artful place with randomness all over your face but it is amazing. Its just amazing.

Fantasticness of Stress

/ Shannon DeRose / Leave a comment

Some people handle stress fantastically, I have never met these people but I hear they are alive and well. I personally handle stress like someone has set me on fire while someone else is shoving rose coloured monkeys in my house which is full of bees. In simpler words, not so fantastically. You might think well maybe you should just learn to handle things better. Some things I handle well. Like death, and sickness, and being in hospitals, just being there for anything. I handle thoses things well.

But things like going into the bank to talk about money, total bee fest. And your boss yelling at you total rose coloured monkeys. I just don’t understand people. Me and humans don’t understand each other. Now give me a cute dog and life is all easy and good. Or  a small child. Things in those things are easy, but other times not so much. So maybe my problem is not stress maybe my problem is people. Huh, this could possibly be very true. I have panic attacks rather easily, or use to.

I haven’t had a panic attack in a while and I’m doing pretty good.. Anyway back to what I was saying is that stress and humans are a part of living a good and reasonable life. Its not easy but its a life. And its one that is worth living. Even through stress can happen daily and things badly can happen at any moemnt. People die and get ill and have bad days and things happen.

So how do you personally handle stress? I might have a panic attack or get mad but its strange, its when I started letting myself be stressed, feel the feelings I need to feel. When my grandma Rosa past a while back. Myself and my parents had gotten to my grandmas house at 4 in the morning and my aunt who took care of my grandma was there at the house and my grandma was at the hospital type place and at 6:45 am we got a call saying they had called 911 for my grandma so on less than 2 hours asleep we went to the hospital and I was stressed and tired, my grandma past that day it was a long emotional day, but how I handled it was strange. I just let myself feel sad. And feel the joy that she was in no pain. I let myself feel the happiness that I was there with her when she past. That I was there when she went from being here to being home. I was happy and sad and felt overwhelmed. But I let myself feel theses feelings and knew that it was okay, to feel this way.

That’s what I think is important in stressful life happenings, so if you lose your job, and if you let yourself feel the emotions of losing your job, the anger and the annoyness and the life over-ness and then tell yourself that you go this. I think thats how stress should be handled and thought about.

That no matter what you don’t know about life, we can live and learn to handle new things, life changes in the flash of a light that can send you into a seizure or it can send you to help someone or it can cause you to feel that the whole life is a hopeless place of worry and horror. But no matter how horrid things seem, learn from the stresses of life and move on. Just keep moving, stop for only seconds and remember, do not forget what has happened to you.

It might be the horror but let yourself remember the wonderfulness and beautifully fantastic things that happened that day in the sun or rain or when you fell and everything changed. Let yourself know how important everything in life really is. No matter how stressful we live life and no matter how easy center times can seem everything won’t always get better but we can make ourselves make things better. So I believe stress is an overload of emotion, don’t forget to feel the bad emotion and the good emotion. Let emotion in. AND feel it…