Feeding tube awareness

Feeding tube awareness is important. O have a feeding tube. I’ve had them on and off for the past few years.

I have had NJ tubes which go into your nose and to your small intestines and right now I have PEGJ tube which goes into my small intestines.

Every day I wake up and make my feeding tube forumla the kind I use is called real food blends. I put it in a blender with water. I then strain it into a bowl then wash the strainer off and the blender then I strain it into the blender again then I wash the strainer off and bowl off and then strain it back into the bowl and then wash the blender off and strainer and strain it into the blender I then get my feeding tube bags that I use and put the mixed strained real food blends into the bag. I close the bag turn the bag upside down and put my fingers on the blue longer part of the bag and squeeze lightly to get the air out of the bag and then prime the line that will connected to my feeding tube the one that goes into my PEGJ that hangs outside my stomach.

It takes lots of work but I would be doing this even if I was eating. I do this sometimes 3 times a day depending on what my body handles a day.

I’m thankful for this that saves my life

Shayweasel out

realizing Relief Requires Relaying

I don’t like seeing others in pain. I don’t want anyone to ever have a battle in life even through we all do. I don’t want anyone to go through anything like I have. So when life gets scary I want to hold tight to my friends and let them know I’m here.

The thing is I’m not physically close to most of my friends. I see them lose there freedom. And then every time I see God.

I lived in Seaboard a small town with lots of people over 60… a lot of them little old ladies! I loved them all!! As I lived there my papa started taking me with him on his visits to their houses or hospital or nursing home. The longer we were there the more my heart fall in love with going to visit people.

I started riding my bike and going to there house sometimes sitting on the porch talking to them. They were always so kind.

I believe in God, I beleive He knew how to make my life. You can find the lines He put in place for me to be here!

I didn’t have a lot of friends my age but I got good at being pen pals at sitting in waiting rooms with family as they waited for their loved ones. I got good at asking questions so I could keep someone talking. I got good at being around pumps, wires helping cool weird foods and being kind listening and not getting annoyed when someone would tell me the same thing ten times. I felt calm. I learned how people are people no matter what we see. Leo Boone was a man who was paralyzed from the neck down. He was always smiling.

I learned animals are amazing at making people connect sometimes. It’s not that I didn’t already know these things I just learned more about them.

When I was in the hospital even if it was for me or someone else I didn’t mind I had done this before. People always told me I’d make a great nurse I normally told them thank you. Deep down I knew I felt something I needed to be.. and medical was involved.

My friends have health problems, my family does too. I learned and owe more to how God set my life up then any thing I can imagine.

I didn’t want to relay on anyone but truthful I have too. The person I have to relay on that each of us has to relay on is God.

People sometimes act as is you are stronger when you don’t replay on others. And truly it is you are stronger when you relay on others.

You will never be able to find relief without Realizing that it Requires relating on others. Everyone needs to be able to have others relay on them and others to relay on its a balance.

Shayweasel realizing Relief Requires Relaying

Why weekends are hard…

I hate mondays Fridays, I know what? Shay? How can you hate the weekend they are fantastic. One let me say I haven’t always hated them. And I still hate Thursdays more than I hate Fridays but for me I hate the idea of the weekend, that you have to go out and hang out with friends or if you don’t have plans then you are just going to die alone or become a cat lady.

I mean its not a big deal. I have been a nanny and my idea of a friday night was the parets going out and me making like 100 dollars thats my idea of Friday for a long time and when I wasn’t working I would sit in my living room watching TV shows or movies or I would be on tumblr for like nine hours.

So I don’t get where this you have to be busy on the weekend sleep in and go out and party or go to church on sunday. I don’t get it. I want to do what I do on a normal day. To me the weekend ends up normally being really boring and I don’t enjoy it because everyone is saying “Oh my I’m doing blah blah..” I mean even if I had a lot of friends who wanted to do stuff the weekend wouldn’t be when I wanted to hang out it would most likely be a random day.

But I want to say since my chronic illness kicked in over drive, the weekends end up being really hard on me. I feel like I am missing out on a part of live that I never knew I needed but I don’t need it. You might be someone in school or work the weekdays and when you get a free day its like fantasticness but to me it sometimes end up making me sad because I’m like I don’t have energy to do anything and its not going to change just because its the weekend sometimes I have good days but they are normally on a weird day like Tuesday and I get to make breakfast and go to the store, but my body doesn’t know that its the weekend. It does what it wants to.

So why am I telling you all this? Because I know that people with chronic illnesses might feel the same way, so if you know someone who has a chronic illness go over and watch a movie with them and don’t try and make them talk to much or anything just let them be but be there with them. It means a lot when you get a friend who can sit in the same room on their laptop as you and not talk but will say something like did you see this?

Or when we need to rant about shit you listen. Its hard because we might seem whiny but it really is that some of us aren’t around people. Don’t talk to people, and a lot of us don’t get to see very many people at all or only talk to people online.

The weekends are hard because its not just we can’t get out its that no one wants to stay in and no one wants to hang out with you.

When you are diagnosed with a chronic illness you normally lose half your friends right off the bat and it kills small parts of you. So yes, if you want to help make weekends better then just be there and say what’s on your mind.

My name is ShayWeasel and this has been a weirdish public blog post…

#spooniestrong #weekendssuck #fuckit

Fantasticness of Stress

Some people handle stress fantastically, I have never met these people but I hear they are alive and well. I personally handle stress like someone has set me on fire while someone else is shoving rose coloured monkeys in my house which is full of bees. In simpler words, not so fantastically. You might think well maybe you should just learn to handle things better. Some things I handle well. Like death, and sickness, and being in hospitals, just being there for anything. I handle thoses things well.

But things like going into the bank to talk about money, total bee fest. And your boss yelling at you total rose coloured monkeys. I just don’t understand people. Me and humans don’t understand each other. Now give me a cute dog and life is all easy and good. Or  a small child. Things in those things are easy, but other times not so much. So maybe my problem is not stress maybe my problem is people. Huh, this could possibly be very true. I have panic attacks rather easily, or use to.

I haven’t had a panic attack in a while and I’m doing pretty good.. Anyway back to what I was saying is that stress and humans are a part of living a good and reasonable life. Its not easy but its a life. And its one that is worth living. Even through stress can happen daily and things badly can happen at any moemnt. People die and get ill and have bad days and things happen.

So how do you personally handle stress? I might have a panic attack or get mad but its strange, its when I started letting myself be stressed, feel the feelings I need to feel. When my grandma Rosa past a while back. Myself and my parents had gotten to my grandmas house at 4 in the morning and my aunt who took care of my grandma was there at the house and my grandma was at the hospital type place and at 6:45 am we got a call saying they had called 911 for my grandma so on less than 2 hours asleep we went to the hospital and I was stressed and tired, my grandma past that day it was a long emotional day, but how I handled it was strange. I just let myself feel sad. And feel the joy that she was in no pain. I let myself feel the happiness that I was there with her when she past. That I was there when she went from being here to being home. I was happy and sad and felt overwhelmed. But I let myself feel theses feelings and knew that it was okay, to feel this way.

That’s what I think is important in stressful life happenings, so if you lose your job, and if you let yourself feel the emotions of losing your job, the anger and the annoyness and the life over-ness and then tell yourself that you go this. I think thats how stress should be handled and thought about.

That no matter what you don’t know about life, we can live and learn to handle new things, life changes in the flash of a light that can send you into a seizure or it can send you to help someone or it can cause you to feel that the whole life is a hopeless place of worry and horror. But no matter how horrid things seem, learn from the stresses of life and move on. Just keep moving, stop for only seconds and remember, do not forget what has happened to you.

It might be the horror but let yourself remember the wonderfulness and beautifully fantastic things that happened that day in the sun or rain or when you fell and everything changed. Let yourself know how important everything in life really is. No matter how stressful we live life and no matter how easy center times can seem everything won’t always get better but we can make ourselves make things better. So I believe stress is an overload of emotion, don’t forget to feel the bad emotion and the good emotion. Let emotion in. AND feel it…

What to know…

I want to know… But really is what to know, I need to stay on a need to know basics but sometimes is more of a what to know basics,

I know when I go to the hospital they are not on a need to know basics they are on a what to know… what happened.. what are you allergic to… what is wrong?… what kind of pain?? what to know is sometimes a weirdly important part. Its the small things that mess everything up. Its when you want to know something and then learn that you don’t really need to know it. But every now and every then, you learn what to know. And sometimes its when that person tells you what to know that you go… and take that deep breath and you know, that the air is clear and that the pain is right in the heart.

What to know about me… I’m not sure, I barely know me. I have only lived with myself for well about 23 years, I have lived outside the womb for 22 years but I have been alive for 23 years, I like the air I breath even though my lungs believe I need help sometimes. And my body for some reason believes that most foods and most things that you can find outdoors are evil so therefore attacks them, is what makes the world one kind of place that I do highly to the most amazing enjoy.

What to know about Shannon DeRose, is that its just who I am. I am not the enjoyer of a small plant of random food. I ask way too many questions and I normally fall into trouble for this. I would not say I am an easy going person. I like who I am, and everyone else is learning to deal with who I am.

Now what to know about life is that there isn’t a place for everyone but I believe that we can make places for ourselves. We can make everyone have a place, but I think some of us come out with a whole lot of craze and we have to make a place in this world for us, and people who aren’t like us.

   What to know is that we can make places for us. We have to try. And never quit and sometimes we have to say behold….What we need to know is up to us…

Overly knowing to much…

 

I never know how to answer the question “SO tell me about yourself?” I always wanted to know, “Do you want the cliff notes? Or the TV movie? Or do you want the truth?” most of the time the person just wants the cliff notes, basically what’s your hobbies? What do you do for a living? How old are you? Why are you here? and most of the time my answers don’t hold over well. Because I personally don’t understand cliff notes, I want to know all the story, and I want to know the things that don’t always seem to matter.

So this leads me to over sharing sometimes and when the person walks off they hope to never see me again. Or the rare moments that you get the people that are so amazed by your honesty that its like they never knew it could be true and they smile and say wow.

Those are my favorite, but see I don’t over sharing as much as I use to. I’m scared, because the world as utterly horrified me. People are total mean people… just very mean.

They make fun of you for being nice and for standing up for someone or even yourself. So for a while I didn’t shear anything. I mean nothing. I didn’t tell anyone anything about me, because I was nervous, so that has me up to now.

I don’t share everything but I don’t not share anything. I don’t think that made sense. I hope you understood. Its not about letting everyone know what your favourite colour is its about letting everyone be alright and be happy with the answers you give. I take that back its really about knowing who you are talking to

. How nice this person is or isn’t and knowing what they want to know.

When someone asks me know to tell them about me I just ask what they want to know and if the answer is a little, or a lot. I give them what they want and nothing more.

I like myself, I find myself awesome but I’m learning to like other people to. Not all people are bad and not all are good and thats alright. I’m learning to just live and love life.

So overall just know who you are talking to and know what they want to know. Thats the whole point of this. In a very small way.

Don’t bite the people you do know. Only strangers.. That is what I believe.