spoonie strong

Chronic Illnesses Are Chronic..

/ Shannon DeRose / 2 Comments

FullSizeRender_1

So yesterday I felt so bad that at moments I was worried more than normal about my health. I was having a bad day, but the day before that I had four allergy attacks that led to my eyes not wanting to be used. The day before that I slept for 15 hours straight.

I have Chronic illnesses, and for some people seem to not understand that chronic which means daily, hourly, momently. It doesn’t stop. Its like having anything when you get diagnosed with a chronic illness it’s like getting a tattoo, you really can never get rid of it. There are sometimes surgeries you can do to make it go away, but they are lots of money and sometimes you end up getting scarred, good thing about tattoos is you get to choose what the tattoo is and if you want it in the first place. A chronic Illness has no choose. It shows up on its own and it’s happy to be there.

FullSizeRender_4

CHRONIC.. Means daily, it does mean I get to have some good days, but most of my good days are thanks to the medicine I took or are due to the fact that the day before I slept for 18 hours or it’s a weird random thing that happens out of no where. Most of the time when people see me I’m having a good day, because on my bad days I don’t normally get out.

IMG_5618

So even if i look good, if I act fine, I could be in horrid pain. Its not all in my imagination. I’ve heard that one a lot, that’s not it. I have problems, my diseases are slowly making me very ill and unable to do as much as I want, but I enjoy my life.

And if you see me enjoying my life it doesn’t mean I’m better. It doesn’t even mean I’m having a good health day, but I could just be having a good day. I am not healthy at all. But I’m happy.

You can be slowly dying doesn’t mean I have to see things as sad or bad. But instead I see them as good, but sometimes I feel like if I look happy to some they see it as I’m wonderful and healed but I’m not. I’m still ill. I still have a CHRONIC illness.

FullSizeRender_3

Even on good days. The Illnesses are still there. They don’t go away.

Chronic means that it’s not going to be cured anytime soon, that you’re going to be in pain. That you are going to be in and out of hospitals sometimes, it means that doctors offices and blood draws are another part of your life. It means that when you wake up you have to take time to get out of bed. It means taking a shower can make you pass out if you aren’t careful. It means food can make you sick or even kill you. It means that I’m chronically sick, I’m ill, on good days I’m still ill.

FullSizeRender_2

I feel like people don’t want to accept the fact that being ill is chronic and that I’m never going to get better without a cure and at this moment this cure isn’t real. It isn’t happening. So for the time being I’ll be living with chronic illnesses, so daily, I will be living with chronic illnesses…

This has been my randomness on Sunday…

Shayweaseling it…!!

Why weekends are hard…

/ Shannon DeRose / 2 Comments

I hate mondays Fridays, I know what? Shay? How can you hate the weekend they are fantastic. One let me say I haven’t always hated them. And I still hate Thursdays more than I hate Fridays but for me I hate the idea of the weekend, that you have to go out and hang out with friends or if you don’t have plans then you are just going to die alone or become a cat lady.

I mean its not a big deal. I have been a nanny and my idea of a friday night was the parets going out and me making like 100 dollars thats my idea of Friday for a long time and when I wasn’t working I would sit in my living room watching TV shows or movies or I would be on tumblr for like nine hours.

So I don’t get where this you have to be busy on the weekend sleep in and go out and party or go to church on sunday. I don’t get it. I want to do what I do on a normal day. To me the weekend ends up normally being really boring and I don’t enjoy it because everyone is saying “Oh my I’m doing blah blah..” I mean even if I had a lot of friends who wanted to do stuff the weekend wouldn’t be when I wanted to hang out it would most likely be a random day.

But I want to say since my chronic illness kicked in over drive, the weekends end up being really hard on me. I feel like I am missing out on a part of live that I never knew I needed but I don’t need it. You might be someone in school or work the weekdays and when you get a free day its like fantasticness but to me it sometimes end up making me sad because I’m like I don’t have energy to do anything and its not going to change just because its the weekend sometimes I have good days but they are normally on a weird day like Tuesday and I get to make breakfast and go to the store, but my body doesn’t know that its the weekend. It does what it wants to.

So why am I telling you all this? Because I know that people with chronic illnesses might feel the same way, so if you know someone who has a chronic illness go over and watch a movie with them and don’t try and make them talk to much or anything just let them be but be there with them. It means a lot when you get a friend who can sit in the same room on their laptop as you and not talk but will say something like did you see this?

Or when we need to rant about shit you listen. Its hard because we might seem whiny but it really is that some of us aren’t around people. Don’t talk to people, and a lot of us don’t get to see very many people at all or only talk to people online.

The weekends are hard because its not just we can’t get out its that no one wants to stay in and no one wants to hang out with you.

When you are diagnosed with a chronic illness you normally lose half your friends right off the bat and it kills small parts of you. So yes, if you want to help make weekends better then just be there and say what’s on your mind.

My name is ShayWeasel and this has been a weirdish public blog post…

#spooniestrong #weekendssuck #fuckit