How To Handle Having A Caregiver

Here’s the thing when I typed “how to handle having a caregiver” into google I thought that it was gonna say things like letting someone helping you doesn’t mean your not an adult or they aren’t babysitting you and that this is needed those kinds of things but no this is what I found…

The articles none of them were pointed at the person who was sick, I find it so hard to have a caregiver to let someone help me.

I’m an adult and have to have someone come here and watch me?

As of 2018 I’ve become someone who has a caretaker, and a respite care worker. Two people that watch me most of the time. I don’t always know how to handle being cared for.

From the time your born you learn how to be independent. We learn to make sure to cry when we need something, we learn that being nice and smiling can help. That we learn to crawl to get something our selfs. We learn to walk so we can do things on our own.

We go to school so we can learn we do chores so we can be able to clean our homes when we are adults.

We learn to go use the to shower how to cook how to drive so we can do things all by ourselves.

As I get the blessing of living longer and longer I’ve been needing more and more help.

My respit caregiver is kind, and she helps me by really truly is here by just being here. With the diseases I have, it can change fast. I could hurt myself if I had a seizure if I had a a reaction. And so on so on.

I am learning to find this as a way for me to help someone have a job, to know this is ok

I’m learning to look at independence differently. To know I’m still an adult. I still need help but it doesn’t mean I’m lazy.

So how to have a caregiver- be kind, tell them if you need something even if you could possibly do it yourself but you know you shouldn’t, tell them thank you and be kind to them, if they make you feel uncomfortable say something to either them or the other people in your life. Think about them like the nurse on Monk solving crimes and someone walks around and helps him he’s still an adult. (We all know Natalie on Monk was way better then the first)

It’s not lazy. It’s not crazy.

Be kind be good be love

Shayweasel is sitting down

Be jealous of all this..

I’ve had a few people tell me they are jealous I can stay home and watch tv all day! Or that I’m able to read all the time! To be able to eat a bunch of calories and not worry about gaining weight or that I’m so skinny! But honestly if your gonna be jealous of something here

I’m very sassy!

I’m beautiful!

I’m creative!

My parents are steve and Sherri!

My niece Rory knows more then you do!

My niece Wavey is a very fiery red head!

I have twin sisters who are way more beautiful then any other twins!

My nephew Carson is very excitebul

My best friend Jazzy can tell you everyone in our favorite tv shows names!

All dogs love me!

I know every episode of the walking dead! And I’ve seen it twice!

My best friend Macy is one of the funniest people I know and has a great heart!

My sister Stephie is selfless and kind and always gives her helping hand on anything!

I am very good at finding my way around!

I can tell you weird facts about anything! Facts you never wanted to know!

My sister Sam is a quietly loud person with a heart of gold and kindness flows out of her!

I’ve been to Washington state during a toxic stuff released into the air be jealous of that somehow..

I have amazingly wonderful family!

I’m very good at sitting and talking!

I’m a great cook!

My friends are amazingly fab!

My best friend Dara is amazingly sweet and the best gift giver I’ve ever known!

My mom can paint wonderfully!! She can sing more amazing then anyone I know!!

My papa is an amazing reader singer and funny and wonderful at speaking!

My sister vana is super smart she always keeps herself doing things for others!

My brother Sean is one to ask if you have any questions about sports and cares so much about everyone no matter what!

My best friend Josephine can talk just as much as me!!!

This is what you should be jealous about! Be jealous of these friends these family theses facts theses laughs!!

Be jealous of all this!

Shayweasel isn’t jealous!

Restrooms of the public kind…

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Let me just take a moment..

Public Restrooms suck. They are so weird. Okay but lets break it down.

(Also I don’t take photos of public restrooms so here is a photo of trees… That has nothing to do with my post, but I wanted to add a photo.. Deal with it.)

There are different kinds of public restrooms. You have your store public restroom, restaurant public restrooms ,  chick-fa-la restrooms gas station restrooms, and then we come down to.. Beach public restrooms. I was at the beach the other day and beach restrooms, are some of the worst things. I mean they are dirty, people are undressing and they smell weird, and its so gross. Just no.

Lets move on to another thing about public restrooms..

So you walk in the restroom and there is a line, but you have to pee really bad, you wait your turn and then an some random person walks in and just takes the restroom when you have been waiting, maybe this doesn’t happen to other people but to me it happens all the time.

Oh the people who talk on the phone in public restrooms, what on earth? Why are you talking? Like shut up and go pee… Don’t talk on the phone its awkward for everyone else going to the restroom.

The handicapped stall, so when I’m with my niece who is 3 I will use the handicapped stall because its hard for us to both fit in the small restrooms, but I try not to do this all the time, but I hate when all the stalls are open and some normal person goes into it. I’m thinking what is wrong with you? Why must you use the handicapped stall…. And I mean if you have a chronic illness and you need to use the handicapped stall go for it. And I normally try to give people the benefit of the doubt, because you never know and someone might have an ostom bag and need to change it or dump it. You never know about people so.. Just don’t judge.

Also when you go to wash your hands and there isn’t any soap or papertowels or when there isn’t even a bowl dryer and you washed your hands and are standing there with nothing to dry it on and you’re in shorts and everything is bad… Just bad.

Oh when you go to the restroom and someone is waiting for someone but you stand behind them even though you see that stalls are open but you just go oh it must be dirty because this person is just standing here, and then they tell you after a few minutes and you just…. Ugg….

When you run out of toilet paper in public restrooms… Thats.. That is just bad…

Vomiting in public restrooms is annoying.. Its just annoying well vomit over all is just annoyed.

Oh weird people in public restrooms the ones who just start talking to you. They just start talking…

Over all public restrooms are a strange thing to deal with.. So as you use the public restrooms this week think of me… Wait I take that back that sounded awkward..

This is randomness about public restrooms want more? Come back on Wesday Friday and Next Sunday…. Its always random… Just yea.

(This idea behind the post is thanks to awesome Macy go follow here on twitter @missmacy1023 ) 
Shayweasel out.

I Won’t Fail My Failing Body

 

Today I ate lunch and then as my disease made up its mind that this food I had taken into my body was not going to stay, I went to the restroom and vomited, a few times. I tried not to make it a big deal or anything.

When I came out of the restroom, a lady stood there just looking at me and she said “Are you bulimic?” there are a few things about this question, one if the answer was yes that is not the way to ask a stranger in the restroom. But I answered “No I have a disease called gastroparesis my stomach is paralyzed and doesn’t work the way it should.” she then went “Oh well why do you have it?” I hadn’t ever had someone ask me this follow up question before. I answered “They don’t know the reason why. It might be genetics.” She followed up with this “Maybe you just haven’t taken care of yourself.” She then left the restroom and I stood there and looked into the mirror.

My collarbones have become so much more visible, its not by choice believe me. My legs are thin, my cute round face is less round theses days, even though I have a little left of my moon face from the meds a few weeks ago. I stood there and thought.

Its not fair to me, because I have a chronic illness that people feel the need to either tell me how to heal myself or tell me that I’m not taking care of myself. If I had cancer I would be brave, and cancer is hard to face, but I don’t understand why the fact that I “just” have a chronic illness that I should just deal with it. It doesn’t seem fair. I was born with illnesses and more illnesses have attacked my strong so strong body. I’ve been through more in my life health wise than most. I’ve had crazy days and I’ve been in a places where I had to make crazy hard choices.

My body is failing me. I didn’t fail it. I didn’t make myself sick. I just am sick. I’m okay with my illnesses hurting me but I’m not okay with people telling me Its my fault. I do not have cancer, no. I have an illness that is incurable. Its lifelong, Its painful. Its horrifying sometimes. I have things that are undiagnosed. I had a doctor straight up tell me that I’ll most likely be in some pain forever, and that he was sorry. I have had surgeries not many just two, I’ve had an air tumor in my nose.. What’s that? My doctors didn’t even know.

   So no I didn’t fucking give myself theses illnesses Its not my fault. You can tell me off when I’m vomiting in the restroom, but only if you will hold my hair and then give my toilet paper so I can blow my nose and get all the vomit out it. I didn’t make myself vomit, my body is not working. My stomach has just stopped. My doctors are working to either find a med that works or a feeding tube might come into play or I might have to do some other stuff that I truly just don’t want to do. I want to go and live my life. I really want to go on that long bike ride.

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I’m strong. I’m really strong, but you see me as an attention seeker in some weird public restroom, you didn’t ask my name, you didn’t tell me you were sorry this happened to me, no you blamed me. My body is not my fault. My mind is not my fault. The things that happen to me are not my fault. I only get to choose how I react to them. And man I’ve reacted damn well… I’ve done pretty good. I choose to wake up. I choose to keep going because I don’t see the choose to stop.

   My body is failing me, but one thing’s for sure, I’m not failing my body.

 

This has been Wesday the day where I rant about whatever I please. And today I ranted… Don’t blame me for my illness, I will not fail my body.

Thanks for reading~ Shannon DeRose (Shayweasel)

Why weekends are hard…

I hate mondays Fridays, I know what? Shay? How can you hate the weekend they are fantastic. One let me say I haven’t always hated them. And I still hate Thursdays more than I hate Fridays but for me I hate the idea of the weekend, that you have to go out and hang out with friends or if you don’t have plans then you are just going to die alone or become a cat lady.

I mean its not a big deal. I have been a nanny and my idea of a friday night was the parets going out and me making like 100 dollars thats my idea of Friday for a long time and when I wasn’t working I would sit in my living room watching TV shows or movies or I would be on tumblr for like nine hours.

So I don’t get where this you have to be busy on the weekend sleep in and go out and party or go to church on sunday. I don’t get it. I want to do what I do on a normal day. To me the weekend ends up normally being really boring and I don’t enjoy it because everyone is saying “Oh my I’m doing blah blah..” I mean even if I had a lot of friends who wanted to do stuff the weekend wouldn’t be when I wanted to hang out it would most likely be a random day.

But I want to say since my chronic illness kicked in over drive, the weekends end up being really hard on me. I feel like I am missing out on a part of live that I never knew I needed but I don’t need it. You might be someone in school or work the weekdays and when you get a free day its like fantasticness but to me it sometimes end up making me sad because I’m like I don’t have energy to do anything and its not going to change just because its the weekend sometimes I have good days but they are normally on a weird day like Tuesday and I get to make breakfast and go to the store, but my body doesn’t know that its the weekend. It does what it wants to.

So why am I telling you all this? Because I know that people with chronic illnesses might feel the same way, so if you know someone who has a chronic illness go over and watch a movie with them and don’t try and make them talk to much or anything just let them be but be there with them. It means a lot when you get a friend who can sit in the same room on their laptop as you and not talk but will say something like did you see this?

Or when we need to rant about shit you listen. Its hard because we might seem whiny but it really is that some of us aren’t around people. Don’t talk to people, and a lot of us don’t get to see very many people at all or only talk to people online.

The weekends are hard because its not just we can’t get out its that no one wants to stay in and no one wants to hang out with you.

When you are diagnosed with a chronic illness you normally lose half your friends right off the bat and it kills small parts of you. So yes, if you want to help make weekends better then just be there and say what’s on your mind.

My name is ShayWeasel and this has been a weirdish public blog post…

#spooniestrong #weekendssuck #fuckit

Internet people…

I have a problem. Its not that big of an issue, its more like well.. .Let me just tell you

I’m an internet type person, I enjoying the internet, I am not that social of a person, My sisters are mostly all very social.

They love people most the time, me? No. I can be highly rude and I sometimes would rather read blogs and watch youtube videos then talk to people. Yes this could be a problem. I like to say that this isn’t a problem at all, that this is totally normal, but lets take what I’m doing right now.

I’m sitting in a sort of dark room, my family is downstairs and I’m writing a blog post, yes I’m writing a blog post upstairs away from my family, while listening to Lady Gaga through headphones. I really fail at social things.

Today as we all sat in the living room I played YouTube videos that no one asked to watch on the TV using the chrome cast, but personally I know it seems weird that I’m not a huge social person but I do like how I am. I don’t think I’d change much about myself and the fact that I am an internet person is okay. I’ll stay up late watching YouTube videos reading blogs writing blog post and well sometimes making YouTube videos which I make private because I’m so nervous to show people.

I might not be social face to face, I might be shy and I might get upset when people don’t want to hear what I have to say but I like myself I’m weird as well… I’m just Shay

and I like that about me

My name is ShayWeasel and I’m an internet person if you’re an internet person let me know and we can be internet people together and maybe we can be awesome and weird as shit together from a far.

  So yea thanks for reading… I guess thats cool…

Fantasticness of Stress

Some people handle stress fantastically, I have never met these people but I hear they are alive and well. I personally handle stress like someone has set me on fire while someone else is shoving rose coloured monkeys in my house which is full of bees. In simpler words, not so fantastically. You might think well maybe you should just learn to handle things better. Some things I handle well. Like death, and sickness, and being in hospitals, just being there for anything. I handle thoses things well.

But things like going into the bank to talk about money, total bee fest. And your boss yelling at you total rose coloured monkeys. I just don’t understand people. Me and humans don’t understand each other. Now give me a cute dog and life is all easy and good. Or  a small child. Things in those things are easy, but other times not so much. So maybe my problem is not stress maybe my problem is people. Huh, this could possibly be very true. I have panic attacks rather easily, or use to.

I haven’t had a panic attack in a while and I’m doing pretty good.. Anyway back to what I was saying is that stress and humans are a part of living a good and reasonable life. Its not easy but its a life. And its one that is worth living. Even through stress can happen daily and things badly can happen at any moemnt. People die and get ill and have bad days and things happen.

So how do you personally handle stress? I might have a panic attack or get mad but its strange, its when I started letting myself be stressed, feel the feelings I need to feel. When my grandma Rosa past a while back. Myself and my parents had gotten to my grandmas house at 4 in the morning and my aunt who took care of my grandma was there at the house and my grandma was at the hospital type place and at 6:45 am we got a call saying they had called 911 for my grandma so on less than 2 hours asleep we went to the hospital and I was stressed and tired, my grandma past that day it was a long emotional day, but how I handled it was strange. I just let myself feel sad. And feel the joy that she was in no pain. I let myself feel the happiness that I was there with her when she past. That I was there when she went from being here to being home. I was happy and sad and felt overwhelmed. But I let myself feel theses feelings and knew that it was okay, to feel this way.

That’s what I think is important in stressful life happenings, so if you lose your job, and if you let yourself feel the emotions of losing your job, the anger and the annoyness and the life over-ness and then tell yourself that you go this. I think thats how stress should be handled and thought about.

That no matter what you don’t know about life, we can live and learn to handle new things, life changes in the flash of a light that can send you into a seizure or it can send you to help someone or it can cause you to feel that the whole life is a hopeless place of worry and horror. But no matter how horrid things seem, learn from the stresses of life and move on. Just keep moving, stop for only seconds and remember, do not forget what has happened to you.

It might be the horror but let yourself remember the wonderfulness and beautifully fantastic things that happened that day in the sun or rain or when you fell and everything changed. Let yourself know how important everything in life really is. No matter how stressful we live life and no matter how easy center times can seem everything won’t always get better but we can make ourselves make things better. So I believe stress is an overload of emotion, don’t forget to feel the bad emotion and the good emotion. Let emotion in. AND feel it…