Feeding tube awareness is important. O have a feeding tube. I’ve had them on and off for the past few years.
I have had NJ tubes which go into your nose and to your small intestines and right now I have PEGJ tube which goes into my small intestines.
Every day I wake up and make my feeding tube forumla the kind I use is called real food blends. I put it in a blender with water. I then strain it into a bowl then wash the strainer off and the blender then I strain it into the blender again then I wash the strainer off and bowl off and then strain it back into the bowl and then wash the blender off and strainer and strain it into the blender I then get my feeding tube bags that I use and put the mixed strained real food blends into the bag. I close the bag turn the bag upside down and put my fingers on the blue longer part of the bag and squeeze lightly to get the air out of the bag and then prime the line that will connected to my feeding tube the one that goes into my PEGJ that hangs outside my stomach.
It takes lots of work but I would be doing this even if I was eating. I do this sometimes 3 times a day depending on what my body handles a day.
I don’t like seeing others in pain. I don’t want anyone to ever have a battle in life even through we all do. I don’t want anyone to go through anything like I have. So when life gets scary I want to hold tight to my friends and let them know I’m here.
The thing is I’m not physically close to most of my friends. I see them lose there freedom. And then every time I see God.
I lived in Seaboard a small town with lots of people over 60… a lot of them little old ladies! I loved them all!! As I lived there my papa started taking me with him on his visits to their houses or hospital or nursing home. The longer we were there the more my heart fall in love with going to visit people.
I started riding my bike and going to there house sometimes sitting on the porch talking to them. They were always so kind.
I believe in God, I beleive He knew how to make my life. You can find the lines He put in place for me to be here!
I didn’t have a lot of friends my age but I got good at being pen pals at sitting in waiting rooms with family as they waited for their loved ones. I got good at asking questions so I could keep someone talking. I got good at being around pumps, wires helping cool weird foods and being kind listening and not getting annoyed when someone would tell me the same thing ten times. I felt calm. I learned how people are people no matter what we see. Leo Boone was a man who was paralyzed from the neck down. He was always smiling.
I learned animals are amazing at making people connect sometimes. It’s not that I didn’t already know these things I just learned more about them.
When I was in the hospital even if it was for me or someone else I didn’t mind I had done this before. People always told me I’d make a great nurse I normally told them thank you. Deep down I knew I felt something I needed to be.. and medical was involved.
My friends have health problems, my family does too. I learned and owe more to how God set my life up then any thing I can imagine.
I didn’t want to relay on anyone but truthful I have too. The person I have to relay on that each of us has to relay on is God.
People sometimes act as is you are stronger when you don’t replay on others. And truly it is you are stronger when you relay on others.
You will never be able to find relief without Realizing that it Requires relating on others. Everyone needs to be able to have others relay on them and others to relay on its a balance.
I have had so many different times not be able to get help or to understand what to fear where danger is or was and what to do.
Walking alone at night seemed simple no one else was around so I thought it was safer I don’t like seeing a lot of people at once so the quiet of night seemed better.
In 2015 I woke up from a coma and the doctors all said I was faking the seizures that put me in a coma in the first place. I was in a coma. I don’t know how I faked that you never know… I guess but the reason they said it was because I woke up from seizures to fast, I knew to much about seizures comas feeding tubes central lines and medical things. I was seeeking attention they said.
Well I’m autistic I can tell you about a lot of things I don’t even care to know about but I don’t forget facts if I hear it normally I’ll remember random things.
I have a very high level of brain activing going on at all times. I’ve been this way most of my life, I stare off and can answer what you said all the sudden even if I had a seizure but here is why I have high brain activing
I didn’t know I was being so different
During an eeg I had for about 3 days I was shown to be having a 5-30 second seizure every few minutes.. so truly if you think about it I came to fast from a seizures because I’m normally having a seizure so my personality is basically me seizing so my normal is not normal.
I was talking fasting and just kept talking for 40 minutes my dr saw on the eeg I was having a seizure for 40 minutes non stop I was aware but I wasn’t in control.
In June of 2017 I was put into the icu after I had had a mini stroke, I was freaking out crying to my parents not because I had a mini stroke no I was horrified that the hospital was going to let me die. Because I’ve come so close before.
It’s never been easy but it’s never been harder to have doctors nurses medical staff to act like I’m in there way. Like I don’t matter. I fear one day I’ll end up in the ER and the doctors let me die.
Right now I’m not as scared as I use to be. The doctors I have right now have saved me instead of pushing me out the door to another doctor. None of them blamed my autism like many had over and over again. No they all worked hard to figure out what to do. I notice a lot that’s part of my problem it’s what my autism does for me.
My Neuro doctor never once said let’s see if this is autism no he said ok let’s get some Medicines do test do scans it all…
They found more then they knew they would. This year 2017 I have had about 4/5 seizures. I’ve had about five EEGs. A lot of procures and things.
The doctors kept trying and they did a good job.
I have a VNS in my chest which is a device that sends pulse into my brain to help calm my seizures or stop them all together.
I have a feeding tube in my stomach that goes into my small intestines.
A picc line in my arm for Medicines fluids transfusions blood all fun things..
But you know what? None of them took away my autism and that’s ok I know for sure that I took away the doctors power of my autism. It is not what they are allowed to blame. I am autistic. But I also have epilepsy, Ehlers–Danlos syndrome, eosinophilic esophagitis, heart defect, mast cell activation syndrome, MDS a blood disorder, asthma and more…
I have this notebook my sister Stephie gave me, on it it reads “Write Your Story” my whole life I’ve heard this saying write your story, make your own life, live your own life, but I have noticed lately.. People they don’t live there life’s, they just live… They just go doing nothing, but they aren’t taking breaths with purpose and they aren’t writing their own stories they are letting their stories be written for them.
Its as if we live in a world where you can live with the way things are or we can change them or we can try to change them, we might take a long time we change them. But we are working throws it.
Its hard to write your own story, because that means you have to live with purpose and with love and you have to try so much harder than ever just to live, you have to be able to try you have to let yourself try and write it. It doesn’t mean you plan out every part of your life it means you live your life as it happens.
When you fall, you get up, you go on. You keep living you keep going on with your life. You don’t give up. You will get shot down on a weekly basis but you have to remember that you are amazing.
People will hate you but truly as long as you don’t hate you, you’ll be okay.. Life is amazing it demands to be lived. Life doesn’t happen when you sit on the side lines if you’re like me you don’t do well playing the field but you’ve found a way to be in the action without ever stepping a foot on the field. I don’t play the same games as the ones on the field but it doesn’t mean I’m not living.
I will be the author of my own story, I will live my life. I can’t live anyone else’s because my life is my own. I take breaths and I walk and I believe in tomorrow. I also believe in today.
Because tomorrow could always be worse than today, so believe in today.
I leave you with this.. When you live life as just with going through and not really trying are you then one writing your story? Or is someone else in control? Or are you letting the way other people feel about you… Have an impact on your writing of your story?
Write your story, no one could write it better then you…
I’ve had different illnesses since I was a child. My body has never loved me. But neither has my mind. I know things about life that most people don’t even know. Because they live a life where their minds, brains, bodies and health is just something they never think about. “healthy” to most is a choice, they can choose to eat healthy food, they can choose to go on a walk for their health. But for me “healthy” was just nothing, it was just not a choice, my health has never been good, never horribly I’m about to die, but its never been good. Its always been something that I’ve had to think about through.
My brain, its always failed me. No matter how hard I would try my brain was not what I wanted it to be, or what everyone else felt it should be. But a few years ago when my brain turned fully against me and basically tried to kill me, I knew my life was going to be different after that, I knew I’d have to accept the fact that my body, my brain, my life was not going to be easy and that everything I could possibly do was be alive.
So the strange question at hand is… What is healthy? What do I see for my future and how do I want to handle my health? My life? I want to be alive, thats the first thing. But I want to be awake and I want to be able to live happily and beautifully.
My body doesn’t seem to always enjoy doing things its suppose to do like eat food or make the necessary hormone my body needs to live. So I could choose to be upset or happy but I could and have choose to just have emotions and live as I please.
Today I was riding in the car with my sister and a few of her friends, her friend said jokingly as he smoked his cigarette that he was only going to live till he was 50, because of all the smoking and drinking and partying he is doing now. But I knew in my heart that those sometimes or people like him or my moms biological father they are the ones who live while people like me and so many others we might not live to be 50, I’m not saying I won’t live I’m just saying I might not because of my health and its not because I don’t have the choice to either eat healthy food or not smoke or go for a run, but I don’t get to choose my heath. I barely get to choose my treatment, but I get to live, I don’t know how long I will live, I mean I could live to be 100 years old, so many treatments are available and become available all the time.
What I’m trying to say is that if you can choose to be healthy, choose it. Because I don’t get that chance, and so many people like me don’t. And its not fair. So take care of yourself, love yourself, take care of your body, and health. Because you can lose it in a day. Or like me you can’t lose what you never had.
I’m happy I am, this blog post might not make sense, But I am Shannon DeRose this is my randomly rantingness. Thanks for reading.