Failing body image 

the past few years have changed my body in so many ways…. body image is an issue for most people but people with chronic diseases or someone who has been pregnant you know how much things  can change.

I don’t have control over my body whatsoever.  So if I lose or gain weight. If I get new scars, new things planted in my arm and chest. Having feeding tubes stick out of your nose and stomach.

Being sick is hard on your body. Body image is hard for each and every person on the plant.

Sometimes I’m more amazed that my body has endured all it has and still is trying to keep going.

I’m grateful my body is alive. But it’s hard to stay alive.

When I was depressed during my “dark” years which was right after I had been raped and a friend who was very controlling abused me badly. I wanted to hurt myself. I didn’t want to live my life like this because it felt to hard. But through the grace of God, my family , friends and the hard work I put in I was able to come through that depression and be ok.

My body is hard working scar filled from stretch marks, surgeries, central lines, feeding tubes, test, iv blows, extra skin and things from being sick and under or over weight.

I have been on high dose steroids that made my cheeks real big. I have been malnutrited enough that my hair has thinned my skin is pale my nails don’t grow good. My strokes have made my smile look different then it use too.

My body is mine And mine a lone but it has been through so much that I can’t help but love it.

I wish so much I could truly live inside a non failing body but that isn’t even a choice for me ever.

My dark rings around my eyes and my red skin in some places. The swelling from anaphylaxis and from being so sick.

I’m amazed and in full love of my failing body. I will never stop loving the way it seems when my body stops and it shuts down. I will not be surprised and will not hurt it in any way.

So even through my body has changed so much my soul never will. I am not my body I am more then my body. I’m more then my diseases.

I am kind. I am beautiful. I am funny. I am silly. I am happy. I am loved. I am joyful. I am peaceful. I am human. I am who I am because of how I reacted to the things that have happened to me.

I will fight. I will scream. I will be ok. I will stay alive someway or other.

So next time you look in the mirror and see something you don’t like remember that your body is keeping you alive. Even if you have to take meds and have feeding tubes and central lines or are hooked up to oxygen remember how much you as a beautiful soul have done. Beautiful.

You are beautiful. Your body is yours and yours only even if all your organs aren’t your own. Even if the blood running through you is t your own. Let the way you see the way you feel. The way you believe in happiness.

Find happiness. Choose joy. And love your body. No body shaming. No giving up. No. You make the world better.
So as I look in the mirror and see all that has changed here is what I want you to know. I’m strong. I’m hopeful. I’m beautiful. I’m happy.
The mirror has nothing on your soul…
ShayWeasel is going to go put on bright colored tights and a tank top with a hot pink bra. I am more comfortable in my skin now then I ever have been. My failing body is the best failing body I got..





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