I was born in 1992
I’m 2013 I decided that I was going to try my best to accept who I was and not work on changing me but improving me.
In 2014 I accepted myself, I improved myself. I loved myself and my body. But my body that year needed two surgeries and over 100 shots and over 115 epipens
In 2015 I appceted my health and made some of my best friends, I improved on my caring. Didn’t give into my emotions as much but I let myself feel my emotions.
In 2016 I accepted others for the first time truly accepted everyone for who they were but I decided and accepted that not everyone would accept me. And I by accepting them didn’t mean I had to like them. I would love them with the love of Christ but I wouldn’t have to enjoy them.
I will die in a world that doesn’t understand my true self because I deeply confuse the world.but I have accepted that.
I live in my own world. Everyone I love is aloud to come in that’s the way I’ve lived for 22 years but two years ago I made the choice to try and accept other humans. I had a few in my group like my sisters my brothers a few aunts my parents and all dogs of course. Mostly older adults who enjoyed my weirdness.
I never found a clan of people who liked me. I had trouble fitting in anywhere. On instragram on a Friday in August a hashtag on a random girl followed me. Her name was Katie she had a form of cancer. A hashtag on her page led me the spoonie world and for the first time I felt like I had found some of my people.
I let myself be myself. I have autism, I’m also sick. I have been in 3 comas, put on lifesupport over six times. I’m allergic to dozens of things. I live inside my own world and personally I see nothing wrong with it. But I know that I need to show people not only the Lords love but my love. I can’t hide in my world. I mean I could it’s just not the right thing to do.
A few years ago I got into a very scary friendship with someone who controlled me. And scared me. I wanted to push everyone away. I wanted to cry. I almost let myself die because of what had happened. I blamed myself and didn’t feel worth anything.
But see there is this world I live in where I went back into and hide in and for the first time I wasn’t scared of my diseases I was scared of my world. I was not dying physically I had truly just let myself die emotionally because I couldn’t handle having emotions anymore. I learned fast that I couldn’t do that to myself I’m human and nothing’s wrong with that.
I’m shayweasel I’m writing a series on my blog shayweasel.com about people who have special needs, chronic diseases, rare diseases, or are disabled and how they are taken advantage of on a normal basis.
This is something that needs to be talked about. So why not talk about it?!