Chubby Cheek Proud!

 

 

 

 

I am beautifully fantastically~ I’m awesome, but my cheeks have grown to look a little bigger along with the rest of me. I gained weight, but it wasn’t because I was eating, because I can’t eat much, being allergic to over a 100 foods and being unable to eat most foods and the fact I vomit after eating due to my stomach not being able to move. I have a problem.. Its called I’m on high dose steroids, I’ve been on them for over six months now. Its what is keeping me alive but it’s also what is making me really not happy, It’s hard I get mad easily and I feel upset a lot because of the medicine and I feel bad sometimes because I feel out of control, but let me say.

  I feel like because of this weight gain and because of the medicine and chubby cheeks and the broke out in hives all over my body makes me feel like i’m not beautiful, but what I am trying to remind myself like someone who has to go on any type of chemo and lose their hair, I get the beautiful steroid cheeks.. I am not ashamed to look like I do, but I don’t always understand the illnesses and the medicines that are life saving but make you weirdly angry and have weird mood swings… steroids have sadly been in my life since I was a small child with an iv in my foot. I am not sad to let the things be known I am not ok with the way my health has been going.

   Things can get really bad really fast, I mean I was in septic shock and came very close to dying, but I mean I wanted to start 2016 with a bang because I mean how else do you start off the year?! Also I mean if you start off almost dying your year can only go up… I mean yea,

  Things are gonna be ok puffy cheeks weird anger that no one understands. Being moody and hungry and unable to eat anything. I’m alive I am allergic to so much but I am ok with it, I mean it might not get better then it is right now but one thing is true. I can do anything… With me and my weird awesomely fantastically worriers I have fighting this battle with me.. Things don’t have to get easier, they are just gonna become my normal.. And then I will keep going, I will adapt and I will learn, but right now I’m so overwhelmed by my own failing body but again and I tell myself over and over again I am strong enough to live inside this failing body.

  I was chosen to live inside this failing body, but we live in a failing world, we live in a world full of ups and lots of downs but smiles are all around. You just have to look. Those chubby cheeks you know what!? Wear them proudly. These freaking cheeks have made me alive, these marks on my body from pokes and from my gaining weight super fast is what is keeping me alive, dude!! I’m alive… .I am alive.

  That is pretty cool if you ask me, I mean I could easily die pretty much any day. I mean it’s pretty easy to kill me.. Please don’t… Like kill me. I don’t feel like dying today. I feel awful but dying is way too much work…

   My body is totally failing me and I am gonna wear my chubby cheeks proudly and I’ll stand up for anyone who doesn’t feel pretty because you are so beautiful you are alive!!! You win!…

  You and me… We are all strong enough to live inside the failing bodies and the healthy bodies we get to live in. We can live. No one else can be stronger than you being you.. You were born and made to live inside your body, a little chubby or a little thin, small thin legs, or legs that touch when you walk, it is suppose to be like that, you are beautiful in a failing chubby or skinny or weird or hard or very ill or very healthy you were born and you were and are made to live inside the body you live in. Not one can replace the body you live in and you can’t live in anyone else’s…
  I am proud to live inside the failing body I was chosen to live in… I’m strong enough to live inside my failing body… Sometimes I forget. This is my reminder..

 

 

Shayweaseling it!……

 

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